New Keyboard!

 I got a brand new keyboard as an early Christmas present from my boy, so I had to try it out!  It is very special - it has rainbow keys and a I got a rainbow mouse as well.  Admittedly they are gaming ones but I don't even care!

It's been a while since I've blogged, and there is one main reason....

LIFE IS GOOD!

Yes, I still have bad moments - it's not very often I have a full bad day anymore - but my life has changed a lot over the last 12 months.  There has been more of a focus on me and what I like to do, and for creating new memories with my loved ones.  Work has been crazy busy this year which hasn't left a lot of time for adventures, but we have been making the most of what time we have. 

A couple of weeks ago, I had a "moment". I was laying in bed thinking, overthinking and stewing on things in my relationship.  I couldn't just lay there so I got up and cleaned up the outside of my house... at 2.30am.

This reminded me of the time I did this at my sister's place when I really was not in a good place and I think that worried me more than what I was actually worrying about.  I did not like that place at all.

Of course, the next day, I rang my sister and told her what was bothering me (I'm not going to go into it because it was silly) and she reminded me that I now have a partner I can actually talk to and who gets me and who listens and that, while my worries were valid, I didn't have to worry about them alone.

How right she was.  I talked to my partner that evening, he listened, took it all in, didn't get defensive and we just talked things through.  It is so refreshing being able to actually have a conversation face to face without it ending badly.

He has such a calming affect on me, but as well as that, I think I have learned how to handle myself better on this journey since starting this blog as well. It has given me a lot of insight and self reflection. Previously I would have written him a text or letter - which can be taken the wrong way as the written word has no emotion and been escalated unnecessarily - but with him I am comfortable enough that I have always been able to bring up anything.

In actual fact, as I started typing this, him and his son came home from 4WDing and were very excited to share some things with me, but I had all of this in my head that I wanted to get out, so I told them both to leave me alone for a minute, they laughed and kept talking and watching me so it ended in... "off you fuck" and they were still both laughing as they walked away.

So, life is really good.  I just wish I had more time to catch up with friends for coffees and chats and then it would be near perfect!

I'm so excited to be going "home" for a few days after Christmas to see my family. I haven't got my boy for Christmas this year but instead will be spending it with my partner's family and I am also very excited for this as they are my kind of people.

Anyway, sending out lots of Christmas hugs, stay safe and cherish your loved ones.

To anyone with an empty chair for the first time this year, my heart goes out to you, remember the good times.

HUGS xxx












Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bubbles?

I guess you're wondering what is behind the name of my blog... Well, even if you're not, I'm about to tell you ;) From the description under the name of my blog, you have probably already guessed that I have depression and anxiety.  I am on the right medication and usually I am pretty under control.... Then COVID 19 happened. But, I am getting ahead of myself.  Back to the bubbles.  One of the things I love to do when I am feeling down is have a bath, with bubbles and candles and stuff.  Well I was sitting there one night about 12 months ago now, and I looked at the bubbles.  I mean I REALLY looked at the bubbles.  All of a sudden, I realised that the bubbles were a lot like my mind and I could use them to try to describe to someone who doesn't have depression and anxiety, what it is like (well for me anyway). So lets see if I can make it the slightest bit understandable for everyone else.   The way I see it is, when I'm happy and in...
Read more

Judging is Human Nature

Today I would like to talk about being judgy.   Before we go any further, I would like to say that this is probably not going to go how you think it will.  (See, already I am judging other people's reactions).    It is human nature to judge others, to judge what things (houses, roads etc) look like, what things you haven't tried will taste like .... So in my opinion (and it is only my opinion, my judgement, it doesn't meant I am right), telling people not to judge others is like telling a fish not to swim.  Saying that you never judge anyone is like saying you never breathe. Anyone who says they have not judged someone or something in their life is either the Dalai Lama or their pants are on fire. And you know what, that's OK! As I said, it is human nature to judge.  As soon as I say to someone, "come over for coffee but please don't judge my lack of housekeeping", I know they already are before they've even arrived - because I just ...
Read more

Perfunctory

Image
I've had a pretty shit weekend emotionally. I was able to be distracted during the week with work (thank goodness I was still able to work despite yet another COVID lockdown).  BUT..... The weekend is normally the time I would be spending with my (ex)man but of course this is the first full weekend since we broke up and it just hurts so much. I truly love this man. Despite the short falls in our relationship, I could truly see us having a future together, unfortunately, emotionally we were just polar opposites and I couldn't do it anymore. Knowing that and accepting that in my mind and knowing and accepting it in my broken heart are 2 totally different things. I get that while my tiny world has stopped, everyone else's keeps going. I understand that people have their own problems to deal with and I'm not front of mind.  There are just a couple of people in my life that I would have thought would be more - not understanding - but just show that they care about ME a littl...
Read more

Closing Doors

Image
 I've closed 3 doors in the last 2 weeks.  1. My most recent "romantic" (for lack of a better word because there was no romance) relationship - I finally closed his actual front door for the last time yesterday after going and getting all of my stuff...... and howled like a banshee all the way home. Check out my previous 2 blogs to get updated on this. 2. The friendship I have mentioned that was just harder than it should be.  I couldn't do it anymore and finally told her that I think our friendship has run it's course. 3. Is not so much closing a door on a person, but rather a marriage.   I am lucky enough to still get along very well with the father of my son and my (still at this point in time) husband.  We have been separated for 7 years and I have just signed the divorce paper work and sent it to him today. Normally, I would be quite pleased about this, both for him and for myself being able to move on.  However, it all was in the process of being...
Read more

Decluttering to calm my cluttered mind

 It's been a minute! Nearly 2 years since my last post. It's very strange, I just had a quick read of the last post and I am in the process of doing exactly the same thing that I was in that one - sorting out the craft room.  Only this time, it is in OUR house that we bought together.  A bit of updating first.  I have been with my partner (or should I say fiance) now for 3 years. For the most part, life is good and I love doing life with him. We laugh a lot and just "get" each other. The house we bought needed a lot of work and we have been slowly renovating it after replacing carpet with vinyl floating floorboards before moving in. We have been here nearly 18 months now.  It has 3 bedrooms and the third bedroom will eventually be my craft room. We had to fix the ceiling, which had sagged, and paint the room before anything else, which was done after moving in.  We then had to turn it into a spare room at Christmas time in 2023 for my Mum to come and stay, ...
Read more