Baby Steps
Today was one of those days.
Today I made some bad choices.
Today I was very tired and emotional.
Today people that care about me got me through.
I am overtired and emotional today, so instead of taking things in my stride at work, there are things that I could have handled better.
There was another miscommunication/misunderstanding between myself and others today.
I cried. I probably overreacted.
I say again that I am SO blessed to work where I do. My boss will listen, get all the facts on both sides and then help us to sort it out, while also telling us individually things that maybe aren't so easy to hear, but they need to be said.
So, of course, after my shitty day, I called my sister to talk to her. I am again blessed with awesome siblings. One who just gets me, one who will tell it to me like it is when I need it, and one who I can have those really weird conversations with that no one else gets - AND to make it even better, these 3 roles are interchangeable.
Anyway, I was telling my sister how I'm just really struggling at the moment. She will have a hunch that I will be writing something I'm sure.
I miss my ex and wonder what the hell I'm doing letting him go some days. Then I remind myself that as much as I love him, he's just not the right fit for me. He just doesn't handle all this "mushy shit" as he calls it.
So we talked about that for a while, and that's it's ok to miss him and grieve and work through it all. We were talking about the books she's been reading and the messages that are within those.
We talked about how "being happy" seems to be everyone's goal and that I or you am the only one who can make myself or yourself happy. She talked about how we should just aim for "content" rather than happy. To just aim to do one thing everyday and not set too bigger goals or set the bar too high, even if that's just washing your hair, or doing x amount of dishes.
It got me thinking that we (as humans) really do set our bar very high for just about everything. Whether it be diets, being happy, exercise, financial goals - whatever it is, there can be a goal and we usually set a goal we want to achieve tomorrow that realistically won't be achieved for at least a year.
Whilst setting that bar high works for some, it really doesn't work for others and in fact can have the complete opposite affect when we don't reach that bar. We feel despondent and give up completely.
I know that this isn't rocket science I'm talking about here and that it is talked about all the time. I'm thinking about it from a mental health point of view - which I know also gets discussed.
Things do not happen over night, and for some people (like me) we need to just take it one tiny baby step at a time. Some days are going to be like your flying and you get through multiple steps all at once. Some days you will stay in the same spot. Other days, you will fall on your arse. But you know what? It's OK. No matter what happens, it's OK. If today doesn't go quite as planned, or even if you went backwards a few steps, you can start again tomorrow.
Don't set that bar, get rid of the bar all together, and in fact, take down the posts holding the bar up because without the bar they look like like goal posts. We don't want that.
We want to think about what we want to achieve for the day, that's it. When you wake up in the morning, or once you've had a coffee, think about how you're feeling and set a realistic achievement for the day. It might be getting out of bed, or making your bed, even if you have to get back in it for a nap afterwards, or it might be going for a walk if you're feeling really good.
The biggest thing to remember is that YOU are the only person you need to compare yourself to, not your sister, or your best friend or the next door neighbour.... just YOU!
AND like the baby steps we are taking forward, we don't want to look back too far either. You are comparing yourself to the person you were YESTERDAY. Just yesterday, not 10 years ago before you had kids, not when you were thin, or "happy" or anything else, just yesterday.
If you have a better day today than you did yesterday, then you have taken a baby step. If you did one thing more than you did yesterday, then you have taken another one. Be proud of yourself for the little things, get rid of the bars and posts and just focus on who YOU are and what a baby step means for you.
One day, you will wake up and realise that you are where you want to be.
My baby step today was that I didn't cry in front of anyone. I may have cried on the phone, but there was no crying at work in front of anyone. I also held my tongue more that I have in the past, and I am proud of myself for that.
Sometimes, you don't even realise you've taken a baby step until you reflect on it. I thought my day had been terrible until I just stopped to think about it.
Baby steps but BIG HUGS xxx
PS I highlight BLESSED for myself more than anyone else, just to remind myself that I'm going to be OK.
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