Self Reflection

Today was well and truly a "Monday" for me.

To the people involved in my day who may be reading this - please remember, this is about me and my faults and not intended to hurt anyone.

I struggled to get out of bed this morning and was feeling a bit "blah" and then when I got to work, one of the first things I hear is that there's been a fuck up and it is my fuck up.  

Any other day I may have taken that in my stride and realised it wasn't meant to upset me, that's just the way the person talks all the time and I've focussed on the wrong part of the conversation.  Instead of hearing the "but it's all sorted, don't stress", I've got my back up because I've been told (in my perception today) aggressively that I haven't done my job properly.

Me being me,  I automatically think that my boss knows about it so I apologise to him.  He knows nothing of it (until now) and so I vent and get it all off my chest so I can move on.

At the end of the day when everyone is in the office, my boss  discusses this "fuck up" with the deliverer of the message (which as it turns out is not solely my fault, and instead of just keeping my mouth shut when I should, I put my 2 bobs worth in and make matters a bit worse).

Anyway - the result is that I feel bad for bringing it up in the first place, because really, I was just being a princess on a bad day and I should know better by now.

What happened next is what I love about my job and the person I work for.

We were discussing things and I said I hadn't realised the age of this other person and that explained a lot as I had actually put them as much older than they are.  I was saying a few things about how I have been perceived in the past when it comes to conflict when I really don't mean to come across that way.  

My boss, in all his wisdom, gave me some very valuable advice - you know, the stuff you actually already know, or should know but until someone says it out loud, you kind of don't know....

Like - when I feel upset by something that has happened, try not to react straight away.  Take a minute to actually think about the situation, who it came from, how they intended it etc and to sleep on it if I need to, to actually determine if I NEED to bring it up.  I need to realise that in the workplace I am in now, it is a workplace of solving problems and making sure everyone is happy.

He also suggested that when he is talking to everyone else at the end of the day, that maybe I just stay out of the conversation (that sounds harsh but it really wasn't, trust me), unless I need to be part of it.   He was trying his best to not involve me in the conversation at the end of the day as he knows what myself and the deliverer are both like (both a bit firey in our own ways, me with all kinds of emotion, them with anger).

So, I found this on facebook tonight and it prompted me to get on here and get this down on paper, because there is so much in here that relates to today (and everyday for that matter).

So let me touch on each point that relates to today:

Stop blaming other people - THIS! I have touched on this in another blog. It's nobody else's fault but mine that I took the comment the way I did this morning. Basically, if I hadn't taken it the wrong way (making mountains out of ant hills), the conversation at the end of the day would never have happened and everything would be fine (sometimes though it is good to get things out in the open). I have to say though, this goes for everyone, we all need to stop blaming someone else for our own actions and really analyse who is to blame.  Most of the time, it will all come back to ourselves.

Which then leads to 

Admit it when you make a mistake - we're all only human, the world is not going to fall apart if you put your hand up and say "hey, sorry, that was me".  I've just done exactly that to my workmate.  Most of all, admit it to yourself that you have made a mistake. Own that shit.  No, it won't fix it, but you will certainly learn from it.

Listen more; talk less - Exactly what my boss said.  I just need to sit and listen more without opening my mouth ;)

Don't argue.  Get organised - Sometimes there is no need for an argument.  It is what it is.  What was said was said.  Discuss how to make it better next time and move on. (Note to self right there).

Take time to be alone - reflect, don't react straight away.

Know when to keep your mouth shut - I'm a slow learner with this but I tell you, I'm starting to learn that silence is more powerful than words sometimes.

Learn from the past. Plan for the future - This is exactly what I hope I'm doing right here, right now.  Putting all this down in words will hopefully help me to make it sink in a bit more that I just need to reflect as opposed to react in the future.

Don't Sweat the small stuff - we all know this one don't we? I TRY to remember that if it is not going to matter a year from now, then it is not worth worrying about once it's over.  I just wish my brain would listen to me when I tell it that!

We never stop learning do we.  There is always something we can learn from other people's experiences or perspectives, even if we really already knew it but are just seeing it a different way.

I am so thankful for the people I have in my life who put up with me and my craziness. 

Oh - some good news to end this - I get to see my family at Christmas <3

Hugs everyone x