R U OK?

 It's R U OK day here in Australia today.

It's a day where mental health is the focus but they are also trying to bring awareness not just on this day but everyday in checking in on your mates, and knowing how to handle a situation when someone says that no, they are not ok.

I think we are all guilty of telling people we are OK when we are actually not.

I've had a really hard week emotionally.  My Nanna would have been 100 on the 2nd of this month and I would have been married 14 years.... I technically have been even though we've been separated for nearly 6.

Then Father's Day.... the second one without my Dad, which is hard enough on it's own without adding into that the fact that I can't go across the border to see my family and be with them on that special day and visit him and be with my Mum who I haven't seen for 6 months.

And of course, because I wasn't coping very well last week, I pushed my partner away when I actually needed him the most, because that's what I do sometimes.  He doesn't know how to handle me on my bad days, fuck, I don't know how to handle me MOST days, so how can anyone else be expected to.

I can't blame him, I told him right from the start that when I get like this it's best to just give me space and I'll get over it, so that's what he does.  Usually that's fine, it works itself out.  This time was a bit different.  I pushed a bit too far and very nearly lost him altogether when all I wanted was to know he was there.

I know I have friends with different views on our relationship, and that's fine because everyone is welcome to their own opinions.  I don't NEED him in my life, I am a capable woman who can carry on life independently......  I WANT him in my life. He is good for me.  He makes me think before I get emotional with him because he doesn't really do emotional.  That means that I actually end up getting over myself a lot quicker because it makes me think about whether what I'm feeling is actually rational or not and worth bringing up with him or not.  Most of the time it's actually not worth it and I either get my emotions out by crafting or drawing or writing on here instead of pissing him off and getting into an argument.... or if it's really bothering me, I will either text it to him and we sort it out that way or I have a couple of friends who will listen whenever I need them to. 

It comes back to the old - everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  Which one it is with us will be determined one day, but for now we have sorted it out.

Anyway, having said all that, I've been seeing R U OK on facebook all day today and usually I answer as many as I can and ask in turn if they are.  Today I just can't because today THIS was everything I was feeling, and even though I know that's what it's all about, I don't want everyone on facebook knowing that. I'm kind of anonymous on here.  My followers on this blog and my facebook page are either chosen close friends and family who I trust or would tell anyway or they are people who don't know me personally.

I'm someone that will post a quote about having a rough day or looking for the good etc but I try not to get into personal issues on facebook, and if I said that no I'm not OK today, there would just be too many questions that I don't really want to share the answers to for everyone to see.  So here I am, sharing them with you instead.

No, I'm not OK, but I will be, I have the support I need from people who love me and knowing that is sometimes all I need.

I hope U R OK, and if not, please find someone who you trust or feel comfortable with to talk to.

HUGS xxx