Blue skies

Hello there!

I thought I would get some cards printed up of the artwork I did for myself so that other people can enjoy it too.  I wanted to see how it turned out before deciding if I would get some of the others printed up as well.  I'm quite happy with them so I might get the butterfly, bee and ladybird done up.  I only have 10 of this one at this stage and due to the price of printing them up, they may get used as giveaways or thank you cards if anyone purchases an artwork.  Otherwise they will be about $4 AUD each, which to me is a bit expensive.

Ok, now let's get down to some Blogging!

I was laying in bed not able to sleep at some ungodly hour this morning and I was thinking.... Mainly about the fact that I had to go to my old work today and that I needed to tell my boss that I need to move on for my own anxiety etc and that once I had done that, my bubbles would just about be back to how they should be.  With the BIG bright sparkly ones at the forefront of my mind that contain all the good stuff, and the little annoying grey ones pushed to the back.  I know the grey ones still squeeze through, but I seem to be able to deal with them much better now than I was.  TOUCH WOOD.

Then somehow I got thinking about another way of explaining mental illness if the bubbles analogy is just not cutting it.  

Skies! That's another great way. So forget about the weather that comes with the sky and just think about the colour or gloominess that goes with it.  So, when I'm in a good place, like today, my mind has blue sky.  There are the occasional clouds that cast a bit of a shadow (representing negative thoughts) which travel across the sky quite quickly and are then forgotten about.  

This is how I imagine my partner's mind works.  We will be discussing something and he will change the subject or I'll say, "I wish you'd talk to me", and he will say that there is nothing else to say, it's done, I can't change it.  How nice it would be to think that way and actually have your brain move on! Although on the other side I'm sure I have done things that I haven't given another thought to that others may be overthinking too.

Ok, so now imagine an overcast day with lots of clouds in the sky that don't move very fast at all.  When my mind is like this it would be what I would call a "blah" day.  You just don't feel yourself.  The trouble with this is the sun will shine through intermittently but then it will be gloomy again.  This translates to a really moody day. 

Then we have grey skies, the gloominess is setting in.  Sometimes it will be gradual, but sometimes it can be quite sudden.  Like when you are driving and the sky ahead is quite clear but then when you turn a different direction, it is black with a storm rolling in.  Either way, there might be a bit of a melt down that goes with this, or a lot of irrational thought.  

Sometimes, this can pass as quickly as it came and may only stay a day and you're back to blue skies again.  Other times, it can be the start of a depressive episode, or the middle of one, depending on how perceptive you are of your own state of mind.  I know for me, I didn't realise I was in one until I had a melt down but others had seen me "change" for weeks prior.  

If it's part of depressive episode, often what can happen is that sky just gets blacker and blacker and there is no sign of the sun, moon or stars whatsoever.  You feel like you have no control to bring yourself back out of the gloom and EVERYTHING is overwhelming.  This is when it's the worst it can be.  What makes it worse is people without mental illness don't know how to help you and sometimes end up making it worse.  They don't mean to, but they will say: just get over it; snap out of it; there are people worse off than you.  

If you are one of those people that doesn't understand why we can't just get our shit together,  let me ask you this - would you walk up to someone in a wheelchair and tell them to just get up and walk?   It's not that simple, and everyone's story and coping mechanisms are different. Just because you can't visually see our illness, does not mean it's not there.  

We don't need explanations of why other people did what they did, we don't need advice, we just need support and a listening ear.  Even when we are in the wrong, we usually know we are and just need a bit of understanding. Sometimes a hug will do wonders.  If you can't help your loved one and they are really worrying you, try to get them some help.  Don't force them, just suggest gently that they may need to talk to someone neutral, there are lots of helplines, even texting ones for those who don't want to talk.

From my perspective sometimes you don't want to reach out to anyone because you don't want to be made to feel worse and misunderstood.  You don't want anyone to think any less of you. You think everyone has their own shit to deal with and they don't need yours. 

So what does the sky in your mind look like when things are starting to get better?  I call it the "The Fingers of God".  No, I'm not religious, I am spiritual more than anything, but there is something out of this world about seeing the suns rays shining through dark clouds.  That's what I imagine to happen.  Slowly, slowly the light starts shining back through the darkness, this could be over a matter of days or weeks, and you can see your way and start feeling more like yourself.

Isn't it beautiful?  I will keep to my bubble analogy but I just though I would share that. For anyone with too many grey bubbles or black skies at the moment, I am sending you such a big virtual hug.  Take each day as it comes, or even each minute as it comes, whatever you need to do.  Maybe, if you're up to it, start looking around you and really SEE what is right there and find something you find beautiful or makes you feel good.  Even on my darkest days, I always try to find something good, we need to hang onto that shit!

HUGS xxx